


Jealous Heart

by learashi



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, Light BDSM, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-10-30 03:49:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10868457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/learashi/pseuds/learashi
Summary: It had been a week of missed dinners, missed conversations and missed lovemaking and Jun knew that he had reached the limit of his tolerance for the situation.





	Jealous Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lilly0](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly0/gifts).



“Oh, hi Jun. Look Nino, it’s Jun,” Aiba said in an unnaturally high voice as he and Nino sprang apart guiltily.

“Yo,” Nino added, as he tried to hide something behind his back.

“You don’t have to stress. I’ve already seen it,” Jun said as he walked past them, sunglasses still firmly in place.

Sho and Satoshi walked into the room shortly after. They were discussing something with serious expressions and both jerked to a sudden halt when they saw that Jun was already sitting there with his eyebrows scrunched tightly together.

Sho edged past and sat in the furthest corner of the room while Satoshi casually sauntered over to where Jun was perched on the couch.

“Um, good morning,” he said as he attempted to give Jun a peck on the cheek.

Jun dodged at the last second “I didn’t hear you leave this morning. It must have been very early.”

“Err, yes I had an early meeting with my manager.”

“Oh, I must be confused, because I thought that I got woken up by a call from your manager. He said that your phone was switched off and he couldn’t contact you,” Jun said in an icy voice.

“Gosh, I really feel like a juice. I'll bring you one back too,” Satoshi said as he abruptly turned and bolted for the door, not even bothering to wait for Jun to respond.

To Jun’s horror he felt a sob in the back of his throat that he couldn’t quite suppress. There was no way that he was going to let the other three see how upset he was, their sympathy would be too much to take in his current frame of mind. He locked himself in the bathroom, only emerging when he heard his band mates leave.

The magazine that Nino had tried to hide was lying on the floor, abandoned by his friends in their haste to escape; the blurry photograph of Satoshi with an unknown woman that was plastered over the front cover seemed to stare back at him mockingly.

Suddenly overwhelmed with anger and jealousy he stomped on it, ripping the pages with his foot, before kicking it under the sofa. He felt weak and dizzy, his heart racing and a cold sweat beading his brow as he struggled to breathe. He ran back into the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time before throwing up repeatedly until he collapsed on the cold tiles.

It had been a long time since he had been overwhelmed by panic in this way. Back when they first debuted his nerves had caused him to spend a lot of time struggling for breath as he lay on random and sometimes filthy bathroom floors after throwing up so much that it made his chest hurt, as he attempted to gain control of his emotions.

Back then, even before their romantic attachment began, Satoshi had been a calming influence on his life. He seemed to know instinctively when Jun was struggling to handle the pressure. It wasn’t just external pressure that was causing him problems; it was the self-imposed pressure to make Arashi a success. Jun knew that the others had been less than enthusiastic about the whole situation at the very beginning, even Satoshi, and he felt that it was up to him to ensure that they didn’t regret their decision to stay on with the group.

Jun had lost count of the number of times that Satoshi had joined him on those dirty floors, kneeling beside him and talking in his usual relaxed fashion about any trivial thing that came into his mind. His soothing tone of voice would calm Jun down every time, allowing the younger man to return to his work with his professional smile firmly in place, no trace of his earlier distress visible to outsiders.

He lay there until his breathing returned to normal, then stood and rinsed his face and mouth with cold water, plastered on a fake smile and went out to join the others, but not before noting that Satoshi hadn’t returned to him with the promised drink.

++++

Jun felt hot tears spilling over his cheeks as he paced around the living room. He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his face with a resigned sigh; all he seemed to do lately was cry. Satoshi had promised that he would be home at a reasonable time, but that time had come and gone and Jun was alone once again.

He hated it when he got like this. He knew that it was connected to his panic attacks and in the sensible part of his brain he knew he was being irrational. It wasn’t the first time that he was jealous of whoever or whatever it was that was taking up his lover’s time. Sometimes Satoshi would disappear from him emotionally for days at a time when he became immersed in his artwork, but since this was done in their large and sunny spare bedroom which had been converted into a studio space before they moved in he always knew that he was close at hand if needed.

He didn’t want to appear to be needy or clingy but his boyfriend’s repeated absences over the past few weeks had slowly been wearing him down. If he thought about it calmly he knew better than to believe the coverage that the press had given to the supposed affair that Satoshi was having with the woman in the pictures. The repeated rumours over the years about his relationship with Mao-chan said more than enough about the accuracy of such reports.

It was the fact that Satoshi had been deliberately evasive about his whereabouts and had ignored his calls that had made his suspicions more concrete. No matter how busy he was, he had never before missed calling Jun back if he had been unable to talk to him at the time when he called, even if it was only to say a hurried “love you” before hanging up. But lately his phone had been switched off more often than it was on.

Satoshi had been consistently late home every night for the last week. It wasn’t work; Jun had checked his schedule with Sho who had everybody’s movements pinpointed on his phone. Perhaps Satoshi was tired of dealing with Jun’s issues and had been seeking comfort in the arms of someone who was more emotionally stable. It had been a week of missed dinners, missed conversations and missed lovemaking and Jun knew that he had reached the limit of his tolerance for the situation.

++++

It was much later than he’d told Jun to expect him when Satoshi finally arrived home. He’d hoped that Jun would already be in bed but when he cautiously pushed open the door the apartment was ablaze with light and his boyfriend’s face was ablaze with anger. He was about to apologise when he saw what Jun had clutched tightly between his hands.

It was his brand new and extremely expensive fishing rod which he hadn’t even had a chance to use yet. His heart leaped into this throat and his palms were suddenly sweaty.

“Baby, put the rod down,” Satoshi said, trying to maintain a calm voice.

“Don’t “baby” me, you rat!” Jun replied, bending the rod dangerously.

Not wanting to make any sudden move that could threaten the life of his favourite rod Satoshi slowly reached into his pocket and withdrew a black box, holding it out towards his enraged boyfriend in an appeasing gesture.

“What’s that?” Jun asked suspiciously, relaxing the bend in the rod only slightly.

“It’s the reason why I haven’t been around for the past few weeks. Put the rod down and I’ll let you see,” Satoshi said in his most persuasive tones.

They cautiously exchanged the items, Satoshi worriedly checking his fishing rod for damage and Jun cautiously opening the wooden box. Nestled inside was a silver cuff and as Jun removed it from its protective wrapping he could see that it was hand engraved with a seascape. A stormy sea wrapped around the band and riding on the crest of a wave was a pair of dolphins, one with a tiny bright blue sapphire for an eye and the other with a dark purple amethyst.

It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and his hands began to shake as he saw the small initials carved on the back and realized who had made it. It almost slipped from his grasp, only to be caught by Satoshi at the last second and slipped onto his wrist. It was a perfect fit.

"The woman in the photos was my instructor. I had no idea that I had been spotted going into her studio until it was too late. The thought never occurred to me that you would believe that I could have cheated on you with her. I only realized that it might look a bit suspicious when Sho pointed it out and by then it was too late."

It all slotted into place now, Satoshi must have been spending all of his spare time on this labour of love. Jun wanted to cry, to laugh and to punch his boyfriend in the face all at the same time. All of those hours spent worrying himself sick waiting for him to come home to him, reading scandalous invented stories in the papers, all because this wonderful man was too naive to realize how what he was doing might look to outsiders.

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier? Why did you let me make a fool of myself?” Jun asked, balling the front of Satoshi’s shirt up in his fists, the silver cuff sending of flares of light as he moved his hands.

“Firstly because then it wouldn’t have been a surprise; but more importantly because you look so cute when you’re jealous.”

“Don’t call me cute!” Jun growled as he tried to dodge Satoshi’s affectionate ruffling of his hair knowing that his boyfriend was skilfully avoiding the talk that they would inevitably have to have about their relationship and Jun's trust issues.

His boyfriend merely chuckled and possessively pushed him firmly down onto the sofa before adding “Plus I knew that you would be more than willing to make it up to me in any way that I asked,” as he pinched Jun’s left nipple hard through his thin shirt, making him squeak in pain.

Jun tried to wriggle out from under his boyfriend but felt strong nimble fingers tightly grabbing his cock through his jeans, making it impossible to move.

Satoshi sharply nipped Jun’s bottom lip before looking down at him with dark eyes.

“I think somebody needs to be punished for not trusting me and for touching my things without permission,” Satoshi said as he let go of Jun’s dick “Go in the bedroom, undress and wait for me.”

Jun meekly nodded and started to walk away but Satoshi stopped him saying “And take the rod with you.”

Jun looked at him questioningly as he was handed the rod.

“We’ll need that in a little while,” Satoshi said as he followed him out of the room “I’m going to have a shower and I expect you to be prepared and ready for me when I’m done."

"Yes Satoshi," Jun replied, his cock stiffening just from the tone of voice his lover was using.

++++

Satoshi washed himself quickly not wanting to miss the show. He walked back into the bedroom, excited by the vision of his lover moving three fingers inside his own body, biting his bottom lip to supress his moans, cheeks flushed pink with excitement.

Letting the towel wrapped around his waist drop to the floor at the foot of the bed Satoshi slowly stroked himself to full hardness, entranced by the spectacle in front of him.

Grabbing his lover by his hair he pulled him to the end of the bed and bent him at the waist nudging his legs wide apart.

"Grip the bedposts and don't let go," Satoshi said as he ran a hand over the perfect ass that was being offered to him.

Jun shivered in anticipation of what was to come.

Picking up the fishing rod, Satoshi tested it's flexibility before moving to stand behind his lover. The tip bent back easily and he let it flick back across Jun's buttocks. A thin red line appeared on the creamy skin and Jun flinched as it bit into his soft flesh.

Admiring his handiwork Satoshi bent down and ran his tongue soothingly across the welt, causing Jun to release a whimper of pleasure. He repeated these actions until the formerly unmarked cheeks were crisscrossed with a pattern of red lines.

Soon Jun was whining "S-sat-toshi stop teasing and fuck me already."

Satoshi’s cock was throbbing almost painfully so it was a relief to plunge it into Jun's welcoming warmth. They both momentarily stilled; Satoshi to savour the feeling of their bodies joining as one while Jun closed his eyes and hissed with pain as the unlubed cock forced his body open with a painful stretch before he pressed back impatiently, ignoring the burning sensation as Satoshi began to fuck into his body hard and fast, jerking him forwards with each rough thrust.

Jun was moaning with a mixture of pain and pleasure as his lovers body slapped against his throbbing ass. Their coupling was rough, but exactly what he needed at that moment.

It didn't take long before Satoshi was coming hard inside Jun's shaking body, gripping his hips tightly as he released deep inside him as Jun clenched tightly around his cock drawing every drop of fluid from him.

He continued to thrust into Jun after his orgasm knowing by the breathy moans coming from him that he was close as well. It only took a few firm strokes along his length and a twist of his wrist and Jun was coming, screaming Satoshi's name as he fell to his knees, his legs too shaky to hold him up any longer, his breath coming in shuddering gasps.

++++

"Ow!" Jun flinched as his lover slowly massaged soothing cream into his buttocks which still felt as if they were on fire, matched only by the bone deep ache in his lower back and hips. He was grateful that he had no work scheduled for the next day as he knew that the chances of him getting out of bed any time soon were slim.

Satsoshi murmured “Shhh,” softly kissing Jun’s back as he loosened the tense muscles before helping his lover into a pair of soft pyjamas and propped him up in bed on a pile of fluffy pillows.

Jun pulled him close saying almost too softly to be heard “I’m sorry I was jealous over nothing.”

Satoshi picked up Jun’s hand, intertwining their fingers together tightly, the soft light in the bedroom reflecting off the silver cuff making the pair of dolphins engraved on it seem to dance together across the waves.

“I’m not bothered by the jealous part. Your jealous heart actually makes me feel very loved. It’s the fact that you believed that I could be unfaithful to you that hurts.”

Jun felt as if his heart would break at the sad tone of his boyfriend’s voice. He sat in stunned silence not even noticing the tear that slowly trickled down his face until a soft finger scooped it away.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he said, burying his face in Satoshi’s neck as he felt strong arms wrap tightly around his waist “Deep down I didn’t really believe it, I was just hurt and confused as to why you weren’t around. I guess it was easier to think that it was something like that, rather than thinking that I had done something to make you not love me anymore.”

Satoshi knew that Jun was mad with him, but he hadn’t realized that Jun had felt so insecure about their relationship, even though he had known from the very beginning that Jun had such a fragile side to him that he hid well from outsiders behind a sadistic exterior. At first Jun had believed that Satoshi was only with him because he felt sorry for him and it had taken all of his love to persuade him otherwise.

++++

The first time they kissed was during one of Jun's episodes backstage at a concert shortly before his twentieth birthday.

Satoshi knew that Jun was stressing about his solo, afraid that his voice would fail him and he would let them all down.

Jun's breathing became erratic and his face was ashen, when Satoshi came to a sudden decision, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him to a dark corner well hidden from prying eyes.

"I can't do this," Jun gasped breathlessly, cradling his stomach as the nausea and the fear threatened to overwhelm him.

"Yes you can," Satoshi replied firmly, turning the younger man so that he was facing him.

"I'm afraid," Jun whispered, unshed tears trembling on the ends of his long eyelashes. "I'm useless. I can't..."

The rest of his words were swallowed by Satoshi's warm lips, as he pulled Jun to him in a tender kiss.

Jun's eyes became huge with surprise and then fluttered closed as he surrendered himself to Satoshi's gentle caresses and questing tongue.

"I love you and I believe in you. You will be perfect," Satoshi said, not even realizing until that moment when the words came out of him almost of their own accord that he had fallen helplessly in love with Jun.

Satoshi didn't know whether it was his encouraging words or his gentle touch, or even Jun' s own courage that he had helped him to find deep inside, but Jun managed to overcome his fears on that day and many others after that.

Sometimes Satoshi wondered if he had taken an unfair advantage of Jun's vulnerable state and used his power over the younger man to bind him to him against his will. Jun repeatedly assured him that that this was not the case, but occasionally these lingering doubts would rise to the surface of Satoshi's consciousness.

Perhaps it didn't even matter anymore after so much time had passed. Neither of them could imagine a life without the other, their lives a finely woven tapestry of past experiences and of all-encompassing love.

++++

Sometimes he felt guilty after taking him so roughly, but it was something that Jun himself asked for occasionally. It was the way that they had worked out together to stop Jun’s panic attacks and his feelings of self-doubt from overwhelming him. He doubted that a therapist would approve of what they were doing, using sex as a tool to keep Jun’s emotions stable, but it had worked so far. “And I’m sorry too. I should have realized when that magazine came out and I didn’t say anything to you that it would have made you feel bad. I was just so focused on making your gift that I didn’t think about how it would look from the outside.”

Jun who appeared not to have heard Satoshi's apology, sobbed, his face buried against Satoshi’s body to try and muffle the sound “I-I know I’m selfish....and demanding and h-hard to live with and needy. That's why I was afraid that you had fallen out of love with me."

Satoshi's body stiffened at Jun's despairing words and he replied firmly "I don't ever want to hear you talk like that again. There's nothing that you could possibly do to make me fall out of love with you. You're definitely stuck with me for life," he gently cupped Jun's chin and pulled his face up so he could look into his teary eyes "Understood?"

Jun was too overwhelmed to do much more than nod as Satoshi captured his lips in a loving kiss. Satoshi licked the tears from Jun's face, making him laugh through his tears and try and squirm away, causing his boyfriend to roll him onto his back and recommence kissing him.

The kisses gradually became more passionate and Jun moaned as Satoshi began a thorough exploration of his mouth, their groins rubbing together causing pleasurable shudders to run through their bodies.

Satoshi, who was worried about hurting Jun after their earlier hard session paused his gentle nibbling on his boyfriend's smooth neck to ask "Is this ok? Just say the word and I'll stop."

"Please don't stop," Jun said trying to untie the belt of Satoshi's bathrobe while pressing his arousal hard against him in an effort to demonstrate his need "I want you."

Satoshi stripped off the robe and slowly removed Jun's pyjamas, worshipping his body, savouring the familiar taste and smell and the feeling of hard muscle beneath satin skin.

Jun winced slightly as his lover rearranged his nest of pillows, sliding one under his bruised buttocks. Satoshi hummed soothingly as he lightly bit Jun's hipbone before nibbling his way up his torso before teasingly rubbing the very tip of his tongue over the pink nubs of his nipples.

Jun soon forgot his discomfort as Satoshi engulfed his erection with his mouth, the exquisite pleasure making him arch his back pressing upwards into the encompassing moist cavern as deep as he could.

A few minutes later Satoshi pulled away making Jun whine his displeasure at the loss of the perfect heat around his cock. Satoshi chuckled at the sight of Jun's pouting expression before gently parting the younger man's legs and positioning himself between his thighs.

This time Satoshi slicked lube over his length and slowly eased his way into Jun's body with care. Jun winced slightly, biting his bottom lip, turning his head to one side in an effort to hide his discomfort. Satoshi immediately paused to make sure that Jun was at ease before he began to slowly move his hips. Their bodies moved together in a gentle rhythm, kissing and touching each other, whispering words of love as they looked deeply into each other's eyes.

There was no urgency to their movements, only love and tenderness. Satoshi tried not to press down too hard on Jun's sore back, but his lover had other ideas. Wrapping his legs firmly around Satoshi's waist Jun pulled their bodies flush against each other so that there not even the smallest gap between them, so desperate was he to feel every part of his lover.

Jun's erection was trapped between their undulating bodies, the friction alone enough to make him cry out and when Satoshi found the secret spot inside his body he could almost see stars.

When their climaxes came they clutched each other even tighter, Jun's cum trapped between their bodies as Satoshi once again filled his lover with his seed.

Satoshi stayed inside Jun's body for as long as he could afterwards as if unwilling to lose the connection between them, only carefully withdrawing as his cock softened.

++++

“Jun my love. Look at me,” Satoshi said softly, pulling Jun close to his side and smoothing back the hair from his face "Are sure you're ok?"

Jun shifted his stiff body until he found a comfortable position as he leant into his boyfriend's embrace and looked up at him through his eyelashes.

"I am now," Jun said with a satisfied smile "Although my ass may not agree with me for the next little while."

"You know what I mean," Satoshi said sternly pinching Jun's side lightly.

Jun sat up so that he could see Satoshi clearly "I had an episode when I saw that gossip magazine. It's the first time I've felt like that in a very long time. I was so angry with myself for allowing it to happen that I think that I transferred some of the blame onto you and I'm sorry for that."

"Jun, I..."

"No Satoshi, please let me say what I want to say," Jun pleaded.

Satoshi nodded and sat up with his back leaning against the bedhead so that he could look at Jun on an equal footing.

At first Jun's voice was hesitant but it gradually grew in strength "I sometimes get the feeling that you think that I'm only with you because you've taken advantage of my weaknesses, but that is so far from the truth. Believe me when I tell you that love you for you and not for what you do for me. I think that I've loved you right from the first time when I saw you dance, back when I was fourteen years old. The fact that you comfort me and support me when I am weak just makes me love you more, it doesn't make me your puppet or your slave. You have never taken anything from me that I wouldn't give you willingly. Got it?"

Satoshi could only nod in response, his voice trapped by the lump in his throat as Jun finally put his lingering doubts about their relationship to rest.

He was distressed to hear about Jun's panic attack though, especially when he knew that his actions were probably the catalyst for Jun's pain. It had been over two years since the last episode, when Jun's much anticipated drama had bombed in the ratings. That time had truly scared Satoshi, he had been within a hairs breadth of calling an ambulance as Jun struggled to breathe. As they had done so many times in the past, he knew that they would have to work through this setback and make sure that there were no lingering emotional effects on Jun. But at the moment, he was content to just lay back and enjoy the warm weight of his boyfriend wrapping around his body as Jun rearranged their positions on the bed.

Both too exhausted to even think about moving and not caring that their skin was sticking together, Jun nuzzled the hollow at the base of Satoshi’s neck as his breathing steadied and their hearts beat together in a calm and synchronized rhythm as they fell asleep in each other's arms.


End file.
